Captain Bronson

"Not enough doubloons fer a ticket to tha Steelerrrrs? Try yerrr eye from atop Mt. Washington fer a good view o' tha game! Take yer own spyglass though..."

"Not a fan of AL baseball, less it be the visiting Pirates in a World Series, but if ye do go, dock yer boat 'n take the train, parrrrrking be atrocious!"

"If the 'Spos ever returrrrn, use tha metal bleacher seats like drums to raise a ruckus 'n welcome them back!"

"Dock yer ship 'n take a sick day from the sweet trade to visit Wrigley. Just don't forrrrget yer Jolly Roger if Master 'Cutch be playin', as he swings past the ivy!"

"Fine house o' culture in the Queen City, specially nice reprieve in the steam of tha summerrrr!"

"A fine sailor in his own right, come see tha abode of the mighty pen-ta-paperrr master o' the 19th century!"