Francesca Hose

"Cuppa chilli & a jacket potato. Job done."

"Scotch egg! Do it."

"Hi Tourists! When you reach the top/bottom of busy escalators/stairs, please move to the side to get your bearings to avoid a pile-up of angry commuters. Welcome to London!"

"Dated dance music thumps relentlessly from the speakers throughout the evening on Thursday-Saturday. More suitable for the dance floor of a tacky club rather than a sit-down gastropub!"

"Watch out for "ladies of a certain age" who use a trolley as a battering ram. Potentially lethal."

"Handy if you want to get out of Newport. Why wouldn't you?"