Will Humphrey

"Try the porridge. Filling, cheap and tasty."

"You shouldn't use a phone. They are banned. Shh. In terms of proper course tips, don't be tempted to have a go at the 18th."

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

"Sit in a seat. Let people out. The usual."

"After a while, the Apostrophe near gate B35 will start playing jazz themed elevator music which sounds a lot like the theme to the Magic Roundabout."

"There are a lot of snobbish tips here. The pub is fine. Don't order when it's rammed. Lovely views, reasonable food."